Talk Truth and Hope for Help. My mother was mentally ill. Her dis-ease displayed itself in many ways. Rage and violence at one end of her emotional spectrum. Fear and brooding at the other. Everyone could see her tortured extremes. No one said a word about them.
I Overheard our Family Physician Counsel my Father. Doctor Benny could be harsh at times, but that day he was a gentle mentor. He told Dad my mother needed help and what kind it must be. Psychological help. My father flew into a rage of his own and sent Doctor Benny away.
People Like Us Don’t Go to Psychiatrists. My dad shouted that out in our empty family room. I shrunk deeper into my stairwell eavesdropping spot. I had no idea who “people like us” might be. Meanwhile, the door closed on Doctor Benny, and upon the rest of us as well.
The Family Secret was Saved but My Mother was not. She remained imprisoned in the fearful darkness of her affliction. She was shut away from possible relief as surely as if she had been locked up in a backroom with the key thrown away. Our family remained imprisoned with her, afflicted by secrets and silence. We denied the truth we saw, right there, in front of our eyes.
Openness would have Released Us from Our Prison. Openness would have invited hope into our mutually occupied backroom. Instead, we suffered there. Our mouths had been sealed by shame. Our hearts were clutched by fear. Secrets held us captive – my mother most mercilessly of all. What a gift it would have been if someone had spoken the merciful truth.
Jonathan and I Choose an Open Road. We make no secret of his dementia. Our families know. Our friends know. We know. Now, you also know. There are no secrets here. No locked rooms. No silence. No shame or embarrassment or even sheepishness. We have freed ourselves from all of that. Jonathan most fully of all. Talk Truth and Hope for Help
Not Everyone is Comfortable with Openness. When the subject of dementia arises, some people quickly change the subject. They are discomforted. Sometimes they fawn over Jonathan as if he were a wounded bird. Sometimes they turn away. Sometimes they disappear altogether.
Those who Turn Away are Themselves Afflicted. They are afflicted by fear. They are afflicted by the images broadcast on television. Images designed to create panic and sell outrageously expensive, inadequately tested pharmaceuticals. Those who turn away are more comfortable with the secret. Jonathan and I struggle to be more comfortable with the light.
I Remember that My Mother Almost Never Smiled. I hardly ever saw the smile in the above photo – not that I can recall. I think about how alone and lonely the mother I did see must have been. I remember how alone and lonely we all were. We were isolated in the dark backroom closet of our silence and shame. Never once did we Talk Truth and Hope for Help.
The Antidote for Darkness is Light. In the light we experience dawn. In the light a smile breaks through our fears. In the light love shines and can free us all. In the light my mother might have embraced the dawn – regained her smile – experienced at least a bit more freedom.
Lesson Learned. Let there be light.
- A Moment of Shame. Was there a time in your family when a relative was the cause for embarrassment? Did this ever happen during your growing-up years? How did your parents and relatives respond to that situation? How did you respond?
- The Choice of Silence. What was the most closely guarded secret in your family? Were you told about it directly, or did you find it out for yourself? Were you urged to keep silent about this secret? Did you do so? Or, did you challenge that expectation? Why?
- The Fear of Exposure. Did you dread the consequences of family secrets coming to light? Did such revelations ever happen? What were the actual consequences? Do you think openness might have been a better choice, or not? Why do you think that?
Meanwhile Jonathan and I Face a Challenge. A wise friend gives two words of advice. Get help!! A family member offers financial aid. We are grateful for that but know we require hands-on allies. None appear – until an offer arrives from the other side of the continent. In that moment, with that possibility, our westward odyssey begins. Talk Truth and Hope for Help.
You possess storytelling magic. Keep on writing whatever may occur. AliceOrr https://www.aliceorrbooks.com
Alice Orr. Teacher. Storyteller. Former Editor and Literary Agent. Author of 15 novels, 2 novellas, a memoir, and No More Rejections: 50 Secrets to Writing a Manuscript that Sells.
Read Alice’s Memoir. Lifted to the Light: A Story of Struggle and Kindness. At the beating heart of this moving story a woman fights to survive. All her life she has taken care of herself. Now she faces an adversary too formidable to battle alone. Available HERE.
Praise for Lifted to the Light: A Story of Struggle and Kindness. “I was lifted. I highly recommend this book as a can’t-put-down roadmap for anyone.” “Very, very well written. Alice Orr is an amazing author.” “Honest, funny, and consoling.” “I have read other books by Ms. Orr and am glad I haven’t missed this one.” “Couldn’t put it down.”
Thrill Yourself with Alice’s Suspense Novel Series. Riverton Road Romantic Suspense Series. Five intense stories of love, death and intrigue. Available HERE.
Praise for Riverton Road Romantic Suspense Series. “Romance and suspense at its best.” “I highly recommend this page-turner series.” “Twists and turns, strong characters, suspense and passionate love.” “The writing is exquisite.”
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