Oh No! I’m a Caregiver. Grandma and Grandpa go west. Here’s how our journey actually began. I have written and taught and talked about how others can discover the best stories they have to tell. Stories from the center of their beating hearts. Now I have such a story myself.

A Cautionary Tale and an Important One. Why cautionary? Because it is about dementia, among other things. Dementia is a reality none of us wants to face, but face it we must. Why important? Because this story is also about long life, living well, and never too late. Each very important indeed.

My First Inkling Something Terrible was Happening? I know it was long before the day my husband Jonathan walked blithely out the door to what should have been a beneficial medical appointment. I also now know I should have questioned his insistence on going alone. Oh No! I’m a Caregiver

I had Sensed a Terrible Thing Looming. Maybe for as long as a year before that day. A quirk in the corner of my awareness. A ping of the antenna that usually urges me to pay attention to details. Unfortunately, my full attention would not become engaged until later. Not until the quirk turned into an alert. Not until the ping intensified into the screech of trouble careening toward us.

 I Cannot Tell You Exactly What to Look For. One small signal. Then another. Then another. My signals emerged from the experience of fifty-plus years with Jonathan. Not an easy passage – though I have never broadcast that before. I have portrayed us and our marriage as very easy indeed.

Couple Number One. Somebody declared us that once as we swept into some social event or other. Dolled up and delightful was our habit in those days. Scripted to present the intended image. A friend said. “… the kind of relationship I would have liked to have.” Our intention had been achieved.

The Intention Here is to be Authentic. The story of a real dilemma confronting real humans with real human problems. Most dementia stories focus on the details of the disease, not the details of the flawed lives the disease generally interrupts. Jonathan and I are flawed. Most humans are flawed.

Back to First inklings. Moments of confusion I brushed aside. Contemporary life can be confusing. Sometimes I find it difficult to discern what is up from what is down myself. Then, Jonathan’s memory lapses became more frequent. My inner alarm started pinging too insistently to ignore. Oh No! I’m a Caregiver

Let’s Find Out about This. I repeated that plea several times. The response was always the same. A sneer. A scoff. A burst of outrage. I backed off each time. I had veered too close to Jonathan’s anxiety triggers before and was not about to risk the result again. Not yet anyway.

I also Have a Temper – Fierce and Angry – Then Gone. Jonathan’s temper is usually repressed. Rageful when released. Building from the floor of him in a rush to explosion with shrapnel flying everywhere. Better not to be in that blast zone. Best not to trigger an explosion in the first place.

But I Had to Do Something. Jonathan’s annual primary care physician checkup was pending. I made my plea more specific. “Talk to her about your memory problems. Please. Get a referral to a neurologist.” He agreed. I should have remembered he does that when he wants to shut me up. Oh No! I’m a Caregiver

I Long to Recall the Exact Details of Jon’s Return Home. Where I stood. The quality of light in our apartment that afternoon. A vivid image to record in my journal. A picture peg upon which to hang the statement that signaled the first battle of the war to come that I would have to wage.

I Told Her My Wife Thinks I Forget Things. Jonathan smirked as he said that to me. It wasn’t difficult to imagine his winsome smile as he said it to his young doctor. Jonathan can be a charmer when that suits his purpose. Had he not charmed me into marrying him all those years before? Oh No! I’m a Caregiver

Lessons Learned. Feel free to benefit from them yourself.

• Never Underestimate the Power of Denial. Nobody wants dementia. Not for yourself. Not for someone you love. It is a truth we do not wish to admit. Now or ever. Not to anyone.
• Never Underestimate the Power of Self-Deception. First inclination is refusal to admit dementia exists in your life. To be blind to its presence and believe your blindness is light.
• Never Underestimate the Absolutely Crucial Advantage of Early Detection. This is the real reason to see and recognize and admit the possibility of dementia where you wish and hope and pray it is not. Your quality of life depends on it.

All Wives Think their husbands Forget Things. That assumption closed the door to further testing at our conveniently local medical facility. Jonathan’s gatekeeper physician did not take me seriously.  Which plummeted me into a chasm of conflict with the medical system. Oh No! I’m a Caregiver

You Possess Storytelling Magic. Keep on Writing whatever may occur. Alice Orr. https://www.aliceorrbooks.com

 Alice Orr. Teacher. Storyteller. Former Editor and Literary Agent. Author of 15 novels, 2 novellas, a memoir, and No More Rejections: 50 Secrets to Writing a Manuscript that Sells.

 Read Alice’s Memoir. Lifted to the Light: A Story of Struggle and Kindness. At the beating heart of this moving story a woman fights to survive. All her life she has taken care of herself. Now she faces an adversary too formidable to battle alone. Available HERE.

 Praise for Lifted to the Light: A Story of Struggle and Kindness. “I was lifted. I highly recommend this book as a can’t-put-down roadmap for anyone.” “Very, very well written. Alice Orr is an amazing author.” “Honest, funny, and consoling.” “I have read other books by Ms. Orr and am glad I haven’t missed this one.” “Couldn’t put it down.”

 Experience Alice’s Suspense Novel Series. Riverton Road Romantic Suspense Series. Five intense stories of love, death and intrigue. Available HERE.

 Praise for Riverton Road Romantic Suspense Series. “Romance and suspense at its best.” “I highly recommend this page-turner series.” “Twists and turns, strong characters, suspense and passionate love.” “The writing is exquisite.”

 Ask Alice Your Crucial Questions. What are you most eager to know about telling your own real-life stories? Ask your question(s) as a Comment following this post.

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