Dear Nancy. You have commented on my blog posts in the past. I invite you to explore my most recent series. It is titled “Oh No I’m a Caregiver – Dementia – Our Cautionary Story.” These posts are of special significance to me. Dementia appears to be a reality destined to assault all of our lives in one way or another eventually. I believe that the story I have to tell – through my initial post and others yet to come at – has valuable insights to offer. For this reason, I hope you will read it and pass it on to others so that they might benefit from what I am learning and from those insights.

For example… My husband Jonathan, who has recently been diagnosed with dementia, is actually quite fine at this early stage. He is engaged in lots of cognitively powerful activities. He writes original memoir pieces that are very good and says this is the result of sitting in on so many of my writing workshops over the past forty-five years. He now finds more joy in writing than the drawing and music that were his usual creative pursuits in the past. This is good because, as you know, portraying characters and composing scenes require a deep level of focus and detail concentration which is very beneficial for him. He also loves jigsaw puzzling – the 1500-piece variety. Again much concentration is required plus he has fond memory associations of doing puzzles with his mom when he was a boy. He also reads a lot – challenging books, as well as his favorite New York Times articles. He does regular physical exercise and has also begun gardening at our church which has a large planted space in sore need of attention. Medically, he is taking a basic drug that has disappeared his brain fog for the timebeing. We also have excellent medical professionals on our team and on our side.

Dementia is not like the tv commercials portray it to be. Their purpose is to ramp up fear and sell very expensive, very dangerous drugs. There is a long, gradual period before extreme changes begin, and the aggressiveness these ads emphasize can often be mitigated with simple mood medications that are harmless and affordable.

Meanwhile, there is a real-life story to be told here of real-life experience. I hope you will read and share it. Dementia is a reality for many of us and, unfortunately, promises to be a reality for many more. Truth is our best armor against being cast into despair by the prospect. I hope to add a little to that sustaining truth. Dementia is one of the many ways all of us will evolve from this life into whatever may lay beyond. Passing on is our universal destiny. Some of those passages involve discomfort and unpleasantness. We can perhaps be a bit better prepared if we understand realistically what to expect.

That is what our story – Jonathan’s and mine – is meant to do. Help others – in an honest and caring fashion – to be prepared. Love and Blessings. Alice

Hi Irene. It is always wonderful to hear from you. Experience is the best teacher, and you have plenty of experience, as well as the wisdom to interpret accurately what you have learned. I feel obligated to do the same. To pass on years and years of lesson upon lesson, some of them painful, all of them ripe with insights. We run headlong into a wall we didn’t know was there; we crash to the ground; and, if we are fortunate, we rise again. We share that story, those stories, with so many others. My hope is that, if I shout out long enough and loudly enough, what I/we have discovered to be true can benefit someone else. Let’s cross fingers re: that. Meanwhile, happy holidays to you and yours. Alice

Hi Nancy. Thank you for your comment. You have validated my excruciating early career experience. Powerless is the operative word for those days, and sometimes for these days too. We didn’t know what we needed to know. In fact, we barely understood that we needed to know it. Tnank heaven we could get at least some of our self-humiliations out of the way before many folks knew who we were. I actually thank those early editors for cluing me into the author’s true position on the publishing power pyramid. Frustration with that imbalance is what led me to editing and, more significantly, to agenting. The same frustration motivates this blog also. I can’t seem to stop sounding warnings and sharing the experience that was sometimes gained by tripping over my own author foot but, blessedly, surviving to tell about it. Happy Holidays. Alice